So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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