You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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