if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I lost the right to judge tonight
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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