Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
