I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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