Im at strip club and am horny
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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