i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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