Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
