They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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