Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
