I wish I could punch you in the face.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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