We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
