I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
