I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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