I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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