I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
