God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
