how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He passed out mid-signature
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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