Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
