Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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