I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
