I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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