highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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