Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
