If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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