i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
