I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
