i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
