dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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