I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
