dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
