then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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