Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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