if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
