I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
