He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
