Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
