Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
