it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
