you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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