New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
