thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
