Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Say something about gay babies.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
