I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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