Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
