listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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