Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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