On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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