I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
