we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
