The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
