We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
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When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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