Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
