Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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