My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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