hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
