Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
