This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
