the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Randomize
