I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
