I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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