he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
