Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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