We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
