Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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