the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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