so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dicks are not precious.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
