So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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