shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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