God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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