I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
