operation harelip BJ is a go
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
