I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think I just sharted jello shots
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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